Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize