Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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