You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize