I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
