guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
