You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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