shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
