I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
