apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
