I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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