How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
