Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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