There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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