WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
