i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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