so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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