goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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