I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
