But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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