Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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