I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
