Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
