and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
