i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
