I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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