Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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