I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
