I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She bit a glass in half.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
