pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
