Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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