The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
