I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
