I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
