dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
