The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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