Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
40s are totally the cure
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
