I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
