Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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