i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Houston, we have a blender
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
