seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
