You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
