i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
