We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
