That's when you crack a 10am beer
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My ATM looks so different sober.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
