that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
either way he was missing a nipple.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
