Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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