we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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