Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
birth control should be required to get into college
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
