These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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