This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
