you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize