I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
