She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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