If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
