we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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