we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
