just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
