So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I look better un-naked...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
