Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
