You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
