I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
