are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
