This is not my ceiling
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
