it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
