I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
