Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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