I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
