ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
