She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
