I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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